News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
