she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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