Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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