Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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