You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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