if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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