I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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