cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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