Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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