I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
