I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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