Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
