So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We had sex on a dog bed..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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