Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
