At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
