Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
