Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
