Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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