Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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