i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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