so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
