It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
