no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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