Having a random hookup so left but love u
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
