youre lurking in front of me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
