So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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