How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize