I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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