Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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