I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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