yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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