Moan for me like Helen Keller
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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