Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
