Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
