Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
