I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
