is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
