Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
