Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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