I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
