you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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