and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
