u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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