i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
