Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
