he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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