How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
