DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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