just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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