My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
