Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's great music for shaving your balls
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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