why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
