There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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