Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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