Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
