eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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