Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
