just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
