Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
