i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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