Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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