I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize