New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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