I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
