My liver just broke up with me...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
