roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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